The Misadventures of John Barrymore's Cheeky Monkey, Clementine!

Just when I thought everyone was safe from Jack Barrymore's overly-amorous simian (after being incarcerated after my party for Erich), I heard from Harold Lloyd that she'd invaded his studio!

Harold didn't recognize Clemmie, at first, although he was surprised when the costume department informed him a minature police uniform was missing...

I guess Clemmie prefers 'au natural', as the next time she popped up, she'd disrobed...

But he finally realized it was Clemmie when she got a bit randy when he tried to nap...

Before she could be apprehended, Clemmie had hightailed it out of Lloyd's studio!

So, my Friends, be on the lookout for a cheeky monkey in your bed, tonight! If you find her, call Barrymore, and hide your liquor...



More news, on Jack Barrymore's cheeky friend...Errol Flynn informed me that she invaded his movie set, today!


The monkey, attired in a period cap (obviously a disguise so she'd go unrecognized), popped in through a window...any hope of being undetected was quickly lost, when Brenda Marshall screamed...

A mad dash across the set followed; Flora Robson, remaining totally in character, shouted "OFF with her HEAD!", but Clemmie simply performed a certain vulgarism (involving an upraised finger) at the actress, and leapt onto Flynn's arm...

I have to give Flynn credit; he did attempt to lecture her about her recent activities (although, considering HIS recent activities, he seems a rather inappropriate choice to preach appropriate behavior)...

I suspect Clemmie thought so, as well, as she relieved her bladder on the actor's arm, and leapt off...

...managing to elude everyone on the set!

She did, however, turn, before running out the door, and, in true Barrymore style, took a bow...

She is STILL on the loose...Guard your bedrooms!



This saga is UNBELIEVABLE!

Benita and I were preparing to leave on our 'Dragoon' weekend cruise, when I received a phone call...Clemmie the Randy Monkey had made an appearance at the "Adventures of Superman" set!

Jack Barrymore's fugitive pet popped in, attired in a Superman suit (how she manages to get all these costumes is beyond me!), and immediately attached herself to George Reeves...

After calling the police, as Clemmie appeared to have 'settled in' (thanks to Jack Larson's supply of bananas), shooting continued, while the monkey ate, and gave Reeves (now in his Superman suit) wolf whistles...

Eventually an officer appeared, trying to trick the simian into believing he was Jack's brother, Lionel, there to fetch her home...

But Clemmie wasn't fooled...she leapt onto a drain pipe, and escaped over the roof!

So she has eluded capture, yet again...

Jack and his 'posse' are back on the streets, armed to the teeth, yet again...I'm beginning to believe that ape is smarter than any human in Hollywood!




As Johnny Holiday rightly noted, I, Benita, and our friends, were supposed to be blissfully sailing up the Pacific coastline, today...sadly, circumstances curtailed our sea the form of that simian, Clemmie!

Things started well enough, on Friday...We set sail on the Dragoon, to clear skies, a favorable wind, and a slight chop in the waters; for experienced sailors like Richard Barthelmess, Bill Powell, and Bob Montgomery (and, modestly, myself), conditions were nearly ideal!

Benita donned her swimsuit, and was soon tanning to a crimson glow (while I tan easily, she burns and freckles), and she was finally heeding my advice to go below and apply generous quantities of Aloe Vera to her over-done skin...when she let out a piercing scream!

There was Clemmie, high in the riggings!

As I attempted to calm my beautiful wife down, Richard quickly climbed up to the monkey, and brought the fugitive ape to the deck.

Clemmie seemed to know she was in trouble, but the randy wench that she is, she enjoyed the attentions of her new captors...

Richard actually seemed to find the primate attractive, in some manner, and took it upon himself to serve as her 'escort'!

Benita refused to continue, with the monkey on board, so we had to return home, to my disappointment...

Everyone else took the aborted weekend excursion remarkably well; Bill called Jean, as soon as we reached the dock, and she quickly showed up in his Packard, giggling. Like schoolchildren, they raced away to her bungalow.

Bob called Ciro's, and got his usual table, without a problem; I believe Joan Crawford and Franchot Tone were going to meet him, there.

Richard joined us as we went to Jack Barrymore's estate to return the monkey; it was a good decision, as Clemmie seemed terribly infatuated by him! Barrymore's maid, Hilda (a quite attractive Swede, by the way), let us in (Jack is apparently sailing, himself, this weekend), and Richard offered to take care of the details, so Benita and I could go home. I cringe, saying this, but it appears there is a new 'couple', in Hollywood!

Walking back to our car, we paused, for a moment, to catch our breath, and reflect on the turn of events.

"Ronnie?" Benita asked me, "are you very disappointed our weekend was lost?"

I smiled. "My dear, I have so much to do...screenplays to consider, those photos to post on Myspace, a night of bliss with you without the fear of that furry interloper..."

"Seriously, was Jack right? Were you actually fond of that monkey?"

"Only as a member of the same evolutionary branch!" I pulled her closer to me. "There is only one woman I want in my life...I love you, my darling, I love you..."

Her kiss made all the misadventures of the past two weeks fade away!







"The Dinner Party for Erich von Stroheim"

"The Misadventures of John Barrymore's Cheeky Monkey, Clementine"

"The All-Star Surprise Party for Laine"

"The Classic Hollywood Long Beach-Catalina Yacht Race"

"The Ronald Colman Seance"

"My "Lost Horizon" Surprise!"

"A Night at the Hollywood Canteen!"

"But I Thought You Were..."

"The People vs. Ronald Colman"

"The Epic Hearst Costume Party..."


"The Monkey on Ronald Colman's Back Saga" (A 9-Part Adventure):

"Introduction: A Day at the ZOO..."

"Chapter 1: A Most UNWELCOME Houseguest!"

"Chapter 2: Clemmie's BIG DAY!"

"Chapter 3: The Hollywood WOMEN'S CLUB Meeting!"

"Chapter 4: Clemmie and Juliet's Father's Day SURPRISE!"

"Chapter 5: The Legendary Mocambo BRAWL!"

"Chapter 6: The Colman CAMPING TRIP!"

"Chapter 7: Colman's DILEMMA!"

"Chapter 8: Ronald Colman's DAY in COURT!"


"ON THE TOWN with Clemmie and Juliet!"


"A MAN, A MONKEY, the MOB, and RONALD COLMAN!" (A 5-Part Adventure):

"Introduction: Broadway, 1920..."

"Chapter 1: A LONG Memory..."

"Chapter 2: Barrymore's Reply..."

"Chapter 3: Barrymore in Cement!"

"Chapter 4: A Desert Grave..."



"The RONALD COLMAN Banner Collection"

Finally, if you'd like to 'go to the source', with over 200 photos of Ronald Colman's life and career, please visit Colman...the page that started it all!